Chapter 5

Nathan’s house was empty, as it always was. His eldest brother had moved out long ago, his second brother lived in a college dormitory, and his mother only returned late at night from work. His father had passed away when Nathan was too young to even remember him.

The two of them prepared dinner first. Nathan excelled at everything from academics to athletics, but his single flaw was an absolute lack of culinary talent. Having witnessed him burn simple scrambled eggs on multiple occasions, Alex stepped up to cook. It wasn’t a difficult task, as preparing meals had become his responsibility after his mother moved out.

“This is good,” Nathan said.

With the refrigerator severely lacking in ingredients, dinner became a simple pasta dish. It was a basic bolognese made with minced meat and tomatoes, but Nathan seemed satisfied.

“Really? That’s a relief,” Alex replied.

“Yeah. You’re better at this than my mom.” Nathan kept his expression blank as he twirled his fork.

“She doesn’t look like a bad cook.”

“She can never get the seasoning right. They say my dad was the only one who could cook. My brother is terrible at it too, you know.”

Nathan had two older brothers, but it was obvious which one he meant. It had to be the lawyer. Alex had heard his name multiple times and even met him once, but he hadn’t been impressed.

What was so great about being a lawyer? Nathan clearly felt differently, however.

“He’s handsome and smart, so it’s fine if he can’t cook,” Nathan added.

He idolized his older brother, who had taken on the role of their late police officer father, a man Nathan couldn’t even remember. Whenever Alex imagined Nathan as his boyfriend, he pictured how the boy acted around his brother. Nathan would follow him around with a bright, beaming smile that Alex couldn’t have even dared to imagine, looking incredibly endearing.

But since Nathan had never shown that side of himself to Alex, a fantasy was all it would remain. How close did they have to get for him to see that version of Nathan? They probably had to be dating.

Resting his chin in his hand, the boy who had just been excitedly talking about his brother looked at Alex. “Your partner is going to be lucky.”

“…My partner?”

“Because they’ll love it when you cook for them.”

Alex’s breath caught in his throat. His hand, which had been about to lift a bite of food to his mouth, froze mid-air. Poking at the pasta sauce, he cleared his throat. “I suppose.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say that he only cared if Nathan liked it.

“Aren’t you seeing anyone?” Nathan asked. “Jude said a lot of omegas like you.”

“Who said that?” Alex scrunched his eyes at the unfamiliar claim. Having never received a confession, Nathan’s words didn’t resonate with him at all. The stereotype that alphas should be the ones to confess first likely played a part in his disbelief.

“Jude did.”

“…Does Jude even have any omega friends?”

“More than us, at least.” Nathan, stating the cold truth, continued to eat his pasta. Even the way he silently chewed and swallowed was so pretty that Alex lost himself in the sight for a moment before snapping back to reality.

“I…”

I have someone else I like. I like you, Nathan.

He swallowed the confession he obviously couldn’t voice. He couldn’t easily picture himself with a partner. He had never even entertained the thought, considering he couldn’t imagine doing anything romantic with the boy sitting right in front of him. He mumbled the end of his sentence, opting to ask a different question instead.

“Do you think alphas have to date omegas?”

Nathan raised an eyebrow slightly at the question. His eyes grew languid, and his lips curved into an amused, relaxed expression. “You answer first.”

Alex was at a loss for words, even though the answer was already decided. Of course an alpha has to date an omega. Unlike betas, alphas couldn’t have children unless their partner was an omega.

But if someone asked if he actually wanted children, the answer was no. He just harbored a vague notion that it was the right thing to do, simply because his father had constantly drilled it into him. Times had changed significantly, but his father was a man who still lived in the past.

There were plenty of other reasons, too. Every alpha in his circle dated omegas; it was the only way they could relieve their ruts and form a bond. It felt like a predetermined destiny.

“I guess they should,” Alex finally answered.

“Why?”

“Everyone thinks that’s what alphas are supposed to do.”

It might have sounded thoughtless, but to Alex, that in itself was a massive reason. That was the exact image people expected of him as an alpha.

Nathan’s response, however, defied his expectations. “I don’t.”

Nathan’s behavior today was agonizingly tugging at Alex’s heart. This answer was no exception.

“You don’t?”

“I’m a beta. That kind of stuff doesn’t resonate with me. And I don’t really feel like you’re an alpha, either.”

Alex had never considered that. “I suppose not.” Since Nathan was a beta, he wouldn’t be able to sense things like pheromones.

“Then… do dynamics not matter to you?” Before his reason could process anything, his heart leaped forward. A ridiculous hope surged within him, completely out of control.

“No.”

And just like that, the blossoming hope popped like a fragile bubble.

“I hate things I can’t understand.” Nathan resumed moving his fork. For some reason, his voice, delivering the facts without a hint of emotion, sounded chillingly cold. “I don’t want to date anyone who isn’t a beta. I wouldn’t be able to help them with things like ruts or heats.”

Kindly enough, Nathan had provided a perfect answer to his question. Alex slowly nodded, his fork pressing down into the pasta.

“That makes sense.”

He hated himself for continuously getting his hopes up while swearing to give up. His stomach churned.

“I think so too,” Nathan agreed.

Sometimes, Alex grew sick and tired of it all, the way his emotions fluctuated wildly at a single word from the other boy. He had been riding this emotional rollercoaster dozens of times a day for two years now. Yet, even though it was infuriatingly exhausting, he could never bring himself to actually dislike Nathan.

Forcing a smile, Alex finally shoved the pasta into his mouth. Fearing his expression might look strange, he lowered his head and pretended to check his phone. Just then, a text arrived from Tina asking, “Having fun?”, which ultimately forced Alex to chew the pasta for a long time before he could swallow it.

☂